Listen to Jerry Seinfeld, a beloved American comedian, tell jokes about technology and modern communication on The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon. As an American English teacher in Istanbul, I would like to introduce my upper intermediate to advanced level students to as much American standup comedy as possible. The fast pace of speech develops listening skills. Also, the comedians always use the most current American speech, including slang, contractions and interjections. I encourage my Turkish students to listen to standup comedy and bring their questions. Together we can define and understand everything.
Let's begin with a few discussion questions about technology:
Here is the transcript for the first 3 minutes:
0:10 Congratulations on your life!
0:20 How did you do it?
0:25 Who are you people? And it's exciting to be out, always exciting to be out in the world, isn't it?
0:35 Not home, just out there, floating around. But I know you got your phone. Everybody here has got their phone. There's not one person here who doesn't have it. You better have it.
0:40 You gotta have it. Because there is no safety, there is no comfort, there is no security for you
0:45 in this life anymore unless when you are walking down the street, you can feel
0:50 a hard rectangle in your pants.
0:55 And you want some solid juice in it, too! You want a juiced up hard rectangle down there.
1:00 That's your life! Because of the, because of the people, right?
1:05 That you need to stay in touch with that are so important.
1:10 The people in your life, they're so important, aren't they? Yeah.
1:15 (applause) Really?
1:20 (laughter) They don't seem very important. Not the way you scroll through their names in your contact list
1:25 like a gay French king (laughter)
1:30 Who pleases me today?
1:35 Who shall I favor? Who shall I delete?
1:45 And we call it a phone but we really don't use it much as a phone, do we? No, we don't.
1:50 Because they gave us the option. Some years ago you were given the option. Well, you wanted to communicate to another person.
1:55 You could talk. You could type. Well, once you had that option, well that took half a second.
2:00 Talking lost. Talking's over. We're gonna have to talk. Talk, oh my g-d I gotta talk!
2:05 Do I have to talk to this person now?
2:10 Talking is work. You gotta make facial expressions that go with what you're saying.
2:15 Different hard rectangle. You gotta suck air in. You gotta blow it out.
2:20 Talking is over. It's obsolete. It's antiquated. I feel like a blacksmith up here sometimes to tell you the truth.
2:25 If you want I can text you this whole thing, and we can get the hell out of here.
2:30 (applause)
2:35 E-mail, text, we love it!
2:40 Because when we communicate to another person, we want them to know, I could have called you and I chose not to.
2:50 I decided I only want to hear my half of the conversation. This is what I have to say.
2:55 I think we're done here.
Questions:
1. Vocabulary for phone communication in order of appearance:
0:20 My g-d. How did you do it?
0:25 Who are you people? And it's exciting to be out, always exciting to be out in the world, isn't it?
0:35 Not home, just out there, floating around. But I know you got your phone. Everybody here has got their phone. There's not one person here doesn't have it. You better have it.
0:40 You gotta have it. Because there is no safety, there is no comfort, there is no security for you
0:45 in this life anymore unless when you're walking down the street, you can feel
0:50 a hard rectangle in your pants.
0:55 And you want some solid juice in it, too! You want a juiced up hard rectangle down there.
1:00 That's your life! Because of the, because of the people, right?
1:05 That you need to stay in touch with that are so important.
1:10 The people in your life, they're so important, aren't they? Yeah.
1:15 (applause) Really?
1:20 (laughter) They don't seem very important. Not the way you scroll through their names in your contact list
1:25 like a gay French king (laughter)
1:30 Who pleases me today?
1:35 Who shall I favor? Who shall I delete?
1:45 And we call it a phone but we really don't use it much as a phone, do we? No, we don't.
1:50 Because they gave us the option. Some years ago you were given the option. Well, you wanted to communicate to another person.
1:55 You could talk. You could type. Well, once you had that option, well that took half a second.
2:00 Talking lost. Talking's over. We're gonna have to talk. Talk, oh my g-d I gotta talk!
2:05 Do I have to talk to this person now?
2:10 Talking is work. You gotta make facial expressions that go with what you're saying.
2:15 Different hand gestures. You gotta suck air in. You gotta blow it out.
2:20 Talking is over. It's obsolete. It's antiquated. I feel like a blacksmith up here sometimes to tell you the truth.
2:25 If you want I can text you this whole thing, and we can get the hell out of here.
2:30 (applause)
2:35 E-mail, text, we love it!
2:40 Because when we communicate to another person, we want them to know, I could've called you and I chose not to.
2:50 I decided I only want to hear my half of the conversation. This is what I have to say.
2:55 I think we're done here.
2. Contractions in order of appearance.
0:20 My g-d. How did you do it?
0:25 Who are you people?
0:30 And it's exciting to be out, always exciting to be out in the world, isn't it?
0:35 Not home, just out there, floating around. But I know you got your phone. Everybody here has got their phone. There's not one person here doesn't have it. You better have it.
0:40 You gotta have it. Because there is no safety, there is no comfort, there is no security for you
0:45 in this life anymore unless when you're walking down the street, you can feel
0:50 a hard rectangle in your pants.
0:55 And you want some solid juice in it, too! You want a juiced up hard rectangle down there.
1:00 That's your life! Because of the, because of the people, right?
1:05 That you need to stay in touch with that are so important.
1:10 The people in your life, they're so important, aren't they? Yeah.
1:15 (applause) Really?
1:20 (laughter) They don't seem very important. Not the way you scroll through their names in your contact list
1:25 like a gay French king (laughter)
1:30 Who pleases me today?
1:35 Who shall I favor? Who shall I delete?
1:45 And we call it a phone but we don't really use it much as a phone, do we? No, we don't.
1:50 Because they gave us the option. Some years ago you were given the option. Well, you wanted to communicate to another person.
1:55 You could talk. You could type. Well, once you had that option, well that took half a second.
2:00 Talking lost. Talking's over. We're gonna have to talk. Talk, oh my g-d I gotta talk!
2:05 Do I have to talk to this person now?
2:10 Talking is work. You gotta make facial expressions that go with what you're saying.
2:15 Different hand gestures. You gotta suck air in. You gotta blow it out.
2:20 Talking is over. It's obsolete. It's antiquated. I feel like a blacksmith up here sometimes to tell you the truth.
2:25 If you want I can text you this whole thing, and we can get the hell out of here.
2:30 (applause)
2:35 E-mail, text, we love it!
2:40 Because when we communicate to another person, we want them to know, I could've called you and I chose not to.
2:50 I decided I only want to hear my half of the conversation. This is what I have to say.
2:55 I think we're done here.
Let's begin with a few discussion questions about technology:
- How do people feel about their phones?
- How do people use their phones?
- Do people prefer to make phone calls or send text messages? Why?
Here is the transcript for the first 3 minutes:
0:10 Congratulations on your life!
0:20 How did you do it?
0:25 Who are you people? And it's exciting to be out, always exciting to be out in the world, isn't it?
0:35 Not home, just out there, floating around. But I know you got your phone. Everybody here has got their phone. There's not one person here who doesn't have it. You better have it.
0:40 You gotta have it. Because there is no safety, there is no comfort, there is no security for you
0:45 in this life anymore unless when you are walking down the street, you can feel
0:50 a hard rectangle in your pants.
0:55 And you want some solid juice in it, too! You want a juiced up hard rectangle down there.
1:00 That's your life! Because of the, because of the people, right?
1:05 That you need to stay in touch with that are so important.
1:10 The people in your life, they're so important, aren't they? Yeah.
1:15 (applause) Really?
1:20 (laughter) They don't seem very important. Not the way you scroll through their names in your contact list
1:25 like a gay French king (laughter)
1:30 Who pleases me today?
1:35 Who shall I favor? Who shall I delete?
1:45 And we call it a phone but we really don't use it much as a phone, do we? No, we don't.
1:50 Because they gave us the option. Some years ago you were given the option. Well, you wanted to communicate to another person.
1:55 You could talk. You could type. Well, once you had that option, well that took half a second.
2:00 Talking lost. Talking's over. We're gonna have to talk. Talk, oh my g-d I gotta talk!
2:05 Do I have to talk to this person now?
2:10 Talking is work. You gotta make facial expressions that go with what you're saying.
2:15 Different hard rectangle. You gotta suck air in. You gotta blow it out.
2:20 Talking is over. It's obsolete. It's antiquated. I feel like a blacksmith up here sometimes to tell you the truth.
2:25 If you want I can text you this whole thing, and we can get the hell out of here.
2:30 (applause)
2:35 E-mail, text, we love it!
2:40 Because when we communicate to another person, we want them to know, I could have called you and I chose not to.
2:50 I decided I only want to hear my half of the conversation. This is what I have to say.
2:55 I think we're done here.
Questions:
- Listen for the vocabulary for phone communication.
- Listen for the contractions.
- Listen for the interjections.
1. Vocabulary for phone communication in order of appearance:
safety0:10 Congratulations on your life! That you are here tonight at The Tonight Show in New York.
comfort
security
hard rectangle = phone
solid juice = battery life
juiced up = charged
stay in touch
scroll through contact list
please
delete
call
communicate
facial expression
hand gesture
suck in
blow out
text
hear my half of the conversation
0:20 My g-d. How did you do it?
0:25 Who are you people? And it's exciting to be out, always exciting to be out in the world, isn't it?
0:35 Not home, just out there, floating around. But I know you got your phone. Everybody here has got their phone. There's not one person here doesn't have it. You better have it.
0:40 You gotta have it. Because there is no safety, there is no comfort, there is no security for you
0:45 in this life anymore unless when you're walking down the street, you can feel
0:50 a hard rectangle in your pants.
0:55 And you want some solid juice in it, too! You want a juiced up hard rectangle down there.
1:00 That's your life! Because of the, because of the people, right?
1:05 That you need to stay in touch with that are so important.
1:10 The people in your life, they're so important, aren't they? Yeah.
1:15 (applause) Really?
1:20 (laughter) They don't seem very important. Not the way you scroll through their names in your contact list
1:25 like a gay French king (laughter)
1:30 Who pleases me today?
1:35 Who shall I favor? Who shall I delete?
1:45 And we call it a phone but we really don't use it much as a phone, do we? No, we don't.
1:50 Because they gave us the option. Some years ago you were given the option. Well, you wanted to communicate to another person.
1:55 You could talk. You could type. Well, once you had that option, well that took half a second.
2:00 Talking lost. Talking's over. We're gonna have to talk. Talk, oh my g-d I gotta talk!
2:05 Do I have to talk to this person now?
2:10 Talking is work. You gotta make facial expressions that go with what you're saying.
2:15 Different hand gestures. You gotta suck air in. You gotta blow it out.
2:20 Talking is over. It's obsolete. It's antiquated. I feel like a blacksmith up here sometimes to tell you the truth.
2:25 If you want I can text you this whole thing, and we can get the hell out of here.
2:30 (applause)
2:35 E-mail, text, we love it!
2:40 Because when we communicate to another person, we want them to know, I could've called you and I chose not to.
2:50 I decided I only want to hear my half of the conversation. This is what I have to say.
2:55 I think we're done here.
2. Contractions in order of appearance.
it's = it is3. Interjections in order of appearance:
isn't it = is not it
There's not one person here doesn't have it. = There is not one person here who does not have it.
You better have it. = You had better have it.
You gotta have it. = You have got to have it.
We're gonna have to talk. = We are goint to have to talk.
I could've called you = I could have called you
My g-d.0:10 Congratulations on your life! That you are here tonight at The Tonight Show in New York.
isn't it?
too!
That's your life!
right?
aren't they? Yeah.
Really?
do we? No, we don't.
get the hell out of here
0:20 My g-d. How did you do it?
0:25 Who are you people?
0:30 And it's exciting to be out, always exciting to be out in the world, isn't it?
0:35 Not home, just out there, floating around. But I know you got your phone. Everybody here has got their phone. There's not one person here doesn't have it. You better have it.
0:40 You gotta have it. Because there is no safety, there is no comfort, there is no security for you
0:45 in this life anymore unless when you're walking down the street, you can feel
0:50 a hard rectangle in your pants.
0:55 And you want some solid juice in it, too! You want a juiced up hard rectangle down there.
1:00 That's your life! Because of the, because of the people, right?
1:05 That you need to stay in touch with that are so important.
1:10 The people in your life, they're so important, aren't they? Yeah.
1:15 (applause) Really?
1:20 (laughter) They don't seem very important. Not the way you scroll through their names in your contact list
1:25 like a gay French king (laughter)
1:30 Who pleases me today?
1:35 Who shall I favor? Who shall I delete?
1:45 And we call it a phone but we don't really use it much as a phone, do we? No, we don't.
1:50 Because they gave us the option. Some years ago you were given the option. Well, you wanted to communicate to another person.
1:55 You could talk. You could type. Well, once you had that option, well that took half a second.
2:00 Talking lost. Talking's over. We're gonna have to talk. Talk, oh my g-d I gotta talk!
2:05 Do I have to talk to this person now?
2:10 Talking is work. You gotta make facial expressions that go with what you're saying.
2:15 Different hand gestures. You gotta suck air in. You gotta blow it out.
2:20 Talking is over. It's obsolete. It's antiquated. I feel like a blacksmith up here sometimes to tell you the truth.
2:25 If you want I can text you this whole thing, and we can get the hell out of here.
2:30 (applause)
2:35 E-mail, text, we love it!
2:40 Because when we communicate to another person, we want them to know, I could've called you and I chose not to.
2:50 I decided I only want to hear my half of the conversation. This is what I have to say.
2:55 I think we're done here.